well...ter's some realy bad parts abt my 1st love...it ended after bt 1 mth n 2 wks i tink...jz after he came bac from man u match in KL...he is seriously damn damn mad n pissed off...bt den...wat am i 2 do...i 've said wateva i should say...
I MISS DA OLD TIMES WHEN WE WERE JZ FRENS
I PREFER DA NO STRESS AMONG FRENS
I FEEL UNEASY HOLDING HANDS WITH HIM
I AM SKED TO BE WITH HIM IN PUBLIC
I DUN TINK I LOVE HIM ENUF
I DUN LIKE REPORTING
dats y...with da above reasons...it's gud enuf 4 me 2 break it off n be free again...i dun regret doing dat...i totaly feel relieved...it's like a damn huge burden for me...jz hanging ter...n i'm suffocating...nw totaly free bird...do as i wish...so now jz enjoy my single life...he's nt talking 2 me at all...n btw i was totaly pissed off when jian yao told me dat he said i simply go n order expensiv stuff in indulgence when we jz had dessert ter....wat da fuck man...haizzz n i posted smtg bt it in my public blog...wateva nw...i dun care...al hope lost after dat...i bet he said more den dat 2 other ppl...bt den wateva...I DUN CARE!!!
Friday, August 21, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Unavailable
hmmm...on 10th of June...i was officially not single anymore...he asked...r u willing to commit in2 a relationship??? n i answered...we could give it a try...so dats done...i'm no longer available...should i be hapy or sad??? i tink da answer would be both!!! hmmm...i'm somehow hapy 2 have him n doing private stuff which seems rit after dis official decision...bt den i would lose alot of other opportunities our ter...bt den it's nt like it mz b 4eva rit...so jz let it a chance 4 me n him...n c hw everyting goes...up till nw...al da gals noe bt it...guys i tink would hv known...in coll jz TJ shal sasi n abel noe i tink...i kinda feel like ks n chia kinda guess it too...i tink yep noe smtg too...hahaha...den ayisyah of cz...feeling so comfortable wit him watching movie ytd in his hs...love it esp when he hugs me tight...hehehe...well...kinda stop him going further by holding his hands....hahaha...kinda good tactic...
bt den jz nw...somehow seriously mood out...hmmm mayb i kinda expected too much from him...i admit it...i actualy expected him 2 pay 4 me...bt den nope...n he din offer 2 help tk my stuff...nope...so kinda pissed...bt den come 2 tink of it...he left da $$ in my bag din even ask 4 it...jz ask me 2 use it...dats realy generous actualy...den he's kinda pk rit...after using so much on his dad present...an ipod costing rm599...hmmm...den din realy talk 2 him much oso jz nw...somehow it jz doesn't feel rit jz nw...mayb cz of period or wat...or jz so many guys around ter jz nw...hmmm....when i'm bac from kl...jz c hw it goess...
bt den jz nw...somehow seriously mood out...hmmm mayb i kinda expected too much from him...i admit it...i actualy expected him 2 pay 4 me...bt den nope...n he din offer 2 help tk my stuff...nope...so kinda pissed...bt den come 2 tink of it...he left da $$ in my bag din even ask 4 it...jz ask me 2 use it...dats realy generous actualy...den he's kinda pk rit...after using so much on his dad present...an ipod costing rm599...hmmm...den din realy talk 2 him much oso jz nw...somehow it jz doesn't feel rit jz nw...mayb cz of period or wat...or jz so many guys around ter jz nw...hmmm....when i'm bac from kl...jz c hw it goess...
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
XOXO
hehehe...dat day duno y sudenly damn moody d...den he was standing so close 2 me...jz leaning on him i felt so safe n secured n warm...da rush i wonder is dat wat i'm looking for al along dis while...hmmm maybe...n den went on another car ride as usual around my garden...den he held my hand somehow...it felt realy good...dun even wan him 2 let go...n den he asked permission 2 kiss me...he was so funny...dat i cant stop laughing...in da end he did it...bt he was nt good at it though...after dat he told me i was like a pro..hahaha...i wonder realy...hehehe...bt den dat time i realy duno wat was i doing actualy...felt so weak n vulnerable when i'm with him...voice went so soft...hahaha...bt den i stil hvn gt a decision...i want his company so badly dat i often tink of him at nite until i cant slp...n i duno y i jz dun dare 2 commit...i was sked realy...sked of wat ppl would tink...sked dat i cant giv him enuf...sked dat i may fall 4 anybody else so easily...bt after da talk wit mum...its realy true...we cant tinking so much as time wont b waiting 4 us...i tink i wil regret if i had nt made dis decision...sked 2 lose him too nw...missing him...so wana tel him my decision...hehehehe...bt sked oso...actualy realy sked...bt wit him everyting wil jz b fine...no more minding other ppl's view...i'm hapy den its enuf...:)
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Hurt
alot alot lately....family is nt going on 2 well.....ku ku as usual talking stuff n all...i jz hv 2 get it in n stuck wit it....ntg i cn do 4 nw....
wai kit stil trying 2 pay 4 everyting n fetching me...kenny dun wana lose a fren bcz of me....haizzz...sad again...
study is like stuck or wateva...i realy duno....sked oso...bt stil....
WAT DA HECK AM I DOING????
so long since i've cried...relieved 2 cry 2dy actualy....feel alot beta after crying...
JUST HAVE TO GONE ON LIVING...
wai kit stil trying 2 pay 4 everyting n fetching me...kenny dun wana lose a fren bcz of me....haizzz...sad again...
study is like stuck or wateva...i realy duno....sked oso...bt stil....
WAT DA HECK AM I DOING????
so long since i've cried...relieved 2 cry 2dy actualy....feel alot beta after crying...
JUST HAVE TO GONE ON LIVING...
The End
after da talk all...we decided being hapy in between....bt den hapy moments doesn't last long...it's time 4 da flower 2 die...mayb it wil realy b beta dis way....i cried n cried jz nw....cant stop....esp after listening 2 da song SOMETIMES LOVE JUST AIN'T ENOUGH...haizzz....dats wat i was trying2 say....damn hurt ler wat he said 2dy....realy heavy words....mayb he feel beta dat way....easier 2 let go...
everyting started from his jealousy again....he saw da foto of me n jason dancing in houz....den adding on mike stuff....yy dem were actualy playing a joke in my blog's chat box....den he blived it n gone damn sad....tot i had a bf....haizzz...den plus dat day gerard playing wit me....i was actualy feeling quite uneasy of him doing dat....sort of tickling my back...near my bra strip behind....den vemal was so damn angry...asking what da fuck are u doing....haizzz...if he stayed so much jz a litle bit longer...he would hv jz punched him in da face....
of cz as usual...he ignored me dat few days...i was so fed up i din even wana ask him wat was his prob....i knew smtg was wrong d....den we talked again...bt dis time it din end so well...we gt distant somehow...i was sick...alwaz going hm after coll...neva talk much oso...he din care much oso...so jz end up like nw....i treated him quite bad laz few days...tot it wil do him some gud...time 4 him 2 move on...i actualy told dat 2 jian yao laz nite....den i was like tinking thru mayb jz let us hv a chance n spend dis yr 2geter hapily....
bt den he wanted 2 talk....okey...as usual he was da one talking...i cant voice out even a word...duno wat 2 say at al...he said he wana move on....he should....he kept da flower alive...so nw it's time....he wil stop showing me dat he loves me....dis time he want to....realy....n he asked me DIS IS WAT U WAN RIT? just answer me yes or no....how could i ever answer dat....haizzz....trying hard 2 constrain everyting...nt wana tel him everyting...i duno y....mayb i torture myself abit so i dun feel like i owe him dat much....
chatted wit jian yao n yy abt it....jian yao wil talk 2 him i tink...i duno....watvea happens wil happen....eventualy....dis is hw tings wil end....yy said my reaction was abit 2 much 4 nt liking him....yes i do like him abit....bt den it's nt enuf 2 b wana b wit him...den if i dun wan him 2 move on...wat should he b doing....dats torture....2 cruel d....so ter's ntg i cn do other den jz let him go n move on...well dats wat i was hoping rit....even though i dun wan it to....if da bez way....i realy duno if i cn stil b as close wit him as b4....i dun tink so...it's too much 4 me...u wana move on...bez 4 me wil b jz move away from ur life i tink....
everyting started from his jealousy again....he saw da foto of me n jason dancing in houz....den adding on mike stuff....yy dem were actualy playing a joke in my blog's chat box....den he blived it n gone damn sad....tot i had a bf....haizzz...den plus dat day gerard playing wit me....i was actualy feeling quite uneasy of him doing dat....sort of tickling my back...near my bra strip behind....den vemal was so damn angry...asking what da fuck are u doing....haizzz...if he stayed so much jz a litle bit longer...he would hv jz punched him in da face....
of cz as usual...he ignored me dat few days...i was so fed up i din even wana ask him wat was his prob....i knew smtg was wrong d....den we talked again...bt dis time it din end so well...we gt distant somehow...i was sick...alwaz going hm after coll...neva talk much oso...he din care much oso...so jz end up like nw....i treated him quite bad laz few days...tot it wil do him some gud...time 4 him 2 move on...i actualy told dat 2 jian yao laz nite....den i was like tinking thru mayb jz let us hv a chance n spend dis yr 2geter hapily....
bt den he wanted 2 talk....okey...as usual he was da one talking...i cant voice out even a word...duno wat 2 say at al...he said he wana move on....he should....he kept da flower alive...so nw it's time....he wil stop showing me dat he loves me....dis time he want to....realy....n he asked me DIS IS WAT U WAN RIT? just answer me yes or no....how could i ever answer dat....haizzz....trying hard 2 constrain everyting...nt wana tel him everyting...i duno y....mayb i torture myself abit so i dun feel like i owe him dat much....
chatted wit jian yao n yy abt it....jian yao wil talk 2 him i tink...i duno....watvea happens wil happen....eventualy....dis is hw tings wil end....yy said my reaction was abit 2 much 4 nt liking him....yes i do like him abit....bt den it's nt enuf 2 b wana b wit him...den if i dun wan him 2 move on...wat should he b doing....dats torture....2 cruel d....so ter's ntg i cn do other den jz let him go n move on...well dats wat i was hoping rit....even though i dun wan it to....if da bez way....i realy duno if i cn stil b as close wit him as b4....i dun tink so...it's too much 4 me...u wana move on...bez 4 me wil b jz move away from ur life i tink....
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Vemal
laz nite chating alot wit shalani...nw i noe...he was realy quite mad abt me going out alone wit other guys...haizzz.....dats y dat day so cold 2 me lerrr...stil wana deny...haizzzz.....den emily actualy asked if he was fetching me....den he said i din even wana ask him 2 fetch me....sobzzzzz....wat da hcek lerrrr....i oso duno wat i'm tinking d....according 2 shalani...i kinda like him ald....am i realy falling 4 him?????i realy duno lerrrr....i duno wat i wan d....i stil wan my freedom....bt i wan him 2 treat me special...haizzz....i noe i noe...so so unfair 4 him....hw cn he tolerate wit me alwaz going out wit other guys....it wil totaly b hell 4 him.....feeling so bad torturing him ldt....so so so wana tok tings out wit him....mayb dis wed bt kenny dem ask 4 movie d....so mayb 2mr after swiming or thur ni ask him go movie lerr....he say gona treat it as a date....hahaha....c hw it goes...XD
Friday, April 17, 2009
still tinking...lost...
he jz dun get it lerr...it's jz gal stuff mayb....or mayb i'm da oni 1 tinking so much....i mean y do i care so much if he's cold or hot 2 me....wat da hell is dis...he says he's lost 2...n y is dat so....haizzzzz....at hm ku ku stil wont bother me much....it's like sudenly everybody who cared 4 me doesn't wana bother me anymore....is ter a prob wit me???? n wats dat????
dat chong stil pestering 2 c me dis wkend..haizzz...n i jz remember dat i've gt dance clas 2mr which i hv 2 skip again....sobzzzz....wat da heck lerrr....wonder if i wil enjoy 2mr???
reflection???? i realy duno who or wat i'm doing nw...am i doing da rit ting or da wrong ting???? wats being myself....who am i????? i realy dun noe.....
dat chong stil pestering 2 c me dis wkend..haizzz...n i jz remember dat i've gt dance clas 2mr which i hv 2 skip again....sobzzzz....wat da heck lerrr....wonder if i wil enjoy 2mr???
reflection???? i realy duno who or wat i'm doing nw...am i doing da rit ting or da wrong ting???? wats being myself....who am i????? i realy dun noe.....
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